Mọi người check giúp em với, xem đoạn văn này có sai chỗ nào ko ạ : It is natural process of animal species to become extinct

Mọi người check giúp em với, xem đoạn văn này có sai chỗ nào ko ạ :
It is natural process of animal species to become extinct (e.g. dinosaurs, dodos, etc.). There is no reason why people should stop this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that the ecosystem is being broken today and human beings have to take responsibility for supporting and protecting these endangered species on the edge of extinction. This is a hotly-debated topic recently and many people pay attention to this problem. From my perspective, I am completely the opinion of the statement. The following essay will give some explanations for this argument.
To begin with, it is obvious that several ancient species such as dinosaurs were exterminated due to inevitable apocalyptic events like asteriod collision and vast volcanic eruptions, however this is not primary factors for the disappearance of most species. Instead, because of negligent human activities in their natural habitats is the consequence that put animal on the verge of extinction. For instance, many unfiltered contaminations from factories bring about acid rains in the surrounding neighbourhood, devastating forests or polluting water sources, which in turn destroys the homes of wildlife. Hence, people are responsible for protecting animals from becoming extinct and it is also a obligation for everyone.
On the other hand, saving wild animals is also a matter of morality. This is because humans consider themselves as superior species, therefore, they should take responsibility for preventing extinction among other inferior ones and it goes against the moral sense to let other species vanish without taking any action. Furthermore, if one species were to disappear, the balance of ecosystem would be disrupted, significantly impacting other wild animals due to lack of food source.
To wrap up, the extinction of animals may not always occur as a natural process, but rather a result of human actions. Therefore, the intervention of human beings is extremely crucial in order to maintain the planet’s biodiversity.

2 bình luận về “Mọi người check giúp em với, xem đoạn văn này có sai chỗ nào ko ạ : It is natural process of animal species to become extinct”

  1. Process là danh từ đếm được ,nên phải thêm mạo từ ‘a’ đằng trước vô nếu nó không phải số nhiều,nếu đã xác định thì dùng the
    Process -> the /a process.
    From my perspective, I am completely the opinion of the statement :đề bài hỏi là không có lí do gì để ngăn chặn quá trình tuyệt chủng của các loài . ĐỒng ý hay không đồng ý? Thì nên trả lời là không đồng ý.  From my perspective, I  completely disagree with the opinion of the statement.
    Asteriod -> asteroid :tiểu hành tinh 
    Collision-> collisions: Những vụ va chạm (trong trường hợp này là danh từ đếm được , còn khi nói đó là hành động va chạm thì là không đếm được)
    Ex: this plane is in collision with the other one (ko đếm được, để chỉ hành động va chạm).
    primary factors -> the primary factor :Việc factor thêm s vào có vẻ ko hợp nghĩa , kiểu nó là nhân tố chính ấy , thì ko nên dùng số nhiều.
    + consequence->reason :Nguyên nhân thì đúng nghĩa hơn.
    ;  animal-> animals: Kiểu hoạt động cẩu thả của con người là nguyên nhân mà đã làm cho nhiều loài động vật trên bờ vực tuyệt chủng ấy ,chứ không phải một loài.
    surrounding neighbourhood-> surrounding area: Khu vực xung quanh chứ nhỉ , chứ đã surrounding rồi lại còn neighborhood.
    a obligation -> an obligation.
    Inferior -> endangered: Như thế này thì nghe nó đỡ hơn.
    if one species were to disappear, the balance of ecosystem would be disrupted -> if one species are to disappear, the balance of ecosystem will be disrupted: câu này nên đk loại 1 thôi, vì nó có khả năng xảy ra ở hiện tại và tương lai.
    the balance of ecosystem -> the balance of the ecosystem ( the + N +of + the +N)
     but rather a -> as: Mà đúng hơn là
     

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  2. It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. dinosaurs, dodos, etc.). There is no reason why people should stop this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?
    It is argued that the ecosystem is being broken today and human beings have to take responsibility for supporting and protecting these endangered species on the edge of extinction. This is a hotly-debated topic recently and many people pay attention to this problem. From my perspective, I am completely the opinion of the statement. The following essay will give some explanations for this argument.
    To begin with, it is obvious that several ancient species such as dinosaurs were exterminated due to inevitable apocalyptic events like asteroid collisions and vast volcanic eruptions, however, this is not the primary factor for the disappearance of most species. Instead, because of negligent human activities in their natural habitats is the consequence that put animals on the verge of extinction. For instance, many unfiltered contaminations from factories bring about acid rains in the surrounding neighborhood, devastating forests or polluting water sources, which in turn destroys the homes of wildlife. Hence, people are responsible for protecting animals from becoming extinct and it is also an obligation for everyone.
    On the other hand, saving wild animals is also a matter of morality. This is because humans consider themselves as superior species, therefore, they should take responsibility for preventing extinction among other inferior ones and it goes against the moral sense to let other species vanish without taking any action. Furthermore, if one species were to disappear, the balance of the ecosystem would be disrupted, significantly impacting other wild animals due to a lack of food sources.
    To wrap up, the extinction of animals may not always occur as a natural process, but rather as a result of human actions. Therefore, the intervention of human beings is extremely crucial in order to maintain the planet’s biodiversity.
        Đây là đoạn văn sau khi sửa bạn nhé
        Chúc bạn học tốt, cho mik xin 5 sao và câu trả lời hay nhất nha

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